People make mistakes, that's normal. But some faults or misunderstandings can put your relationship in danger if you do it constantly and in long-term, especially as a married couple. We're not saying that you shouldn't make any mistake at all, but by being aware of the common errors that you or your future spouse potentially make in your upcoming marriage, you'll learn from it and do better. After all, preparing prevention is better than a cure, isn't it? So, make sure you know what kind of behavior that you should avoid as described below:
1. Bringing up past problems
Sometimes when trying to resolve current issues, a couple shifts their focus to past problems instead. Maybe they're still holding a grudge or feel like the new problem stemmed from old bad habits. Either way, doing this will only make your arguments ineffective and unconstructive, especially if the two of them has agreed that the past problems are already resolved. Put your attention to the issue you faced today, learn how to move on, and don't drag previous disagreements into the new equation. That way, you can avoid fighting about the same stuff over and over again in the future.
2. Not maintaining intimacy
This mistake usually made unconsciously, especially by married couples who have been married for quite some time or getting busier each day with works or kids. When there are too many distractions around you, it's easy to feel like being intimate is no longer a priority. As a result, the couple became distant, disconnected, and drifting apart from each other. No matter how busy or stressed you are with daily life, or how long you've been married, maintain the intimacy between you and your spouse. Aside from having sex, you can also plan a regular date night or consistently giving each other small yet sweet physical gestures, like a kiss before going out of the house or a sincere, deep hug to show how much you missed them at the end of a long day.
3. Allowing other people to get too involved in the relationship
In some cases, a married couple's marriage is not exclusively involving the husband and the wife, but also the parents, in-laws, even best friends, boss, or other people outside their inner circle. It's surely nice to have a solid and strong support system to help you and your spouse when you're facing a certain problem. But if those people turned out to be controlling, micromanaging or making things more complicated, then let's hope it's not too late to change things around. So, before you include unnecessary parties into your relationship, remember that you and your spouse need to set boundaries regarding external involvement, for example by not telling other people about the internal conflicts in your marriage. Because what important is how the two of you need to rely on each other to survive this long-term journey.
4. Expecting the spouse to read your mind
This point kind of explains why communication is the key to a successful marriage. Sometimes, married couples feel like they have known each other well enough so that their spouse should know what they feel or want without saying it out loud. But when the spouse failed to do so, they would feel extremely disappointed. The thing is, your spouse is not a mind-reader, and so are you. While it's cute to know that he can buy you a cup of coffee before you ask, that wouldn't always be the case. Especially in a more complex context, like the reason why you gave him a silent treatment after a fight or how you wish he gives you more attention. Always try to communicate your concerns, desires, wishes, and expectations clearly, it'll save time and energy also help you find the solutions more efficiently.
5. Fighting to win
All couples fight, but some do it to find resolutions, and some simply want to vent out the anger and frustrations toward each other. Some do it even worse; they argue to prove that they're always right and keeping the score between each other; who's right in the last argument, who's the loser and who wins this time. When you're married, never forget that you're on the same team with your spouse. Therefore, his loss is yours as well, and vice versa. See all the fighting and arguing as a chance to compromise and clear up any dispute between the two of you. Get the insight on the right way to fight with your spouse here in this article:8 Ways to Fight Effectively With Your Husband.
6. Bringing a child into a troubled marriage
It's sad but true; some couple sees having a baby as a way out and solution for their troubled marriage. The truth is, you shouldn't put such a big responsibility of bringing a family peace to an innocent child. Aside from that, all of the stress of having a new baby, hormonal swings, even postpartum depression can only make things worse and create new problems for the new parents. The children will also potentially grow up watching their parents fighting all time, which is another parental mistake a couple should avoid. It would be wiser to try solving the complications between you and your spouse before deciding to expand your family. With a healthy and better-developed relationship between you and your spouse, you can give your children a better environment to grow up.
7. Not talking about sex enough
As relating to the intimacy point, some couple also skipped having a proper amount of necessary sex talk with each other. Why talk about it when you can just do it, you might ask. Well, it's because having sex is so much more than just doing the deeds. You need to express your wants and desires to each other clearly, as well as your dislikes, fear, or fantasies so that the two of you truly enjoy every intimate moment, be on the same page about it, and don't feel like you're missing out on something in your sex life. So don't be shy or afraid to talk about it, you can learn how to combine or compromise with your spouse's preferences, or you can find out other things to explore together as you got more experience and want to keep the spark alive after a few years of marriage.
8. Not being open about finance
Another mistake that most married couples make is not being entirely open to each other about their financial situation or issues. The wife might hide the receipts from her extravagant shopping trips, or the husband invested a big chunk of their money into a venture without telling his spouse. Knowing that money problem is one of the main reasons in divorce, we cannot stress how crucial it is to be transparent and honest with each other when it comes to the topic of household finance. A husband and wife should know exactly how much money they are making, spending, investing, owing, lending, or borrowing. Keeping a loophole about this will only lead to trouble, sooner or later. So, try to regularly talk about your monetary issue and hopefully you can always solve it or reach a mutual goal together.
9. Neglecting problems that need to be resolved
No matter how small, a married couple shouldn't brush a problem under the rug and ignore it. Because when they do, usually it only builds up into a bigger problem that would eventually be harder to handle. So, as a soon-to-be-married couple or newlyweds, make sure you make the habit of solving a problem as soon as it arises. It's okay if it takes time to find the solution, but don't forget, avoid, or neglect it altogether.
10. Make decision without consulting each other
Being in a team with your spouse means that you should always consider their opinion when making a decision, especially ones regarding the family, money, career, or other major life direction. But in reality, lots of married couples make the mistake of not consulting their spouse when planning or deciding on things. Maybe they are still in the habit of living independently as a single, but that thing should change the moment you said I do. To make the transition easier, try to start involving your future spouse in your future plans and goals, so you can also put their ideas and judgments into consideration. By doing that, when you're married, you wouldn't make each other feel left out or unheard.
11. Taking each other for granted
One of the worst mistake a married couple could make is taking each other for granted. Not expressing your gratitude and appreciation toward one another is one thing to do it. But some couples simply don't give enough time for their husband or wife, like getting distracted by work or screens all the time. While, in fact, time is the most precious thing you can give to your loved ones. Don't make the same mistake as these kinds of couples. Right from the beginning to the very end, make sure your spouse always feels loved, appreciated, and worth your every second. The words 'thank you' and 'I love you' are known to have a magical effect when said sincerely and continuously, also make the effort to have some quality time with each other to rekindle the affection and nurture your relationship