Signs that You and Your Spouse Need a Marriage Counseling

by Belle Biarezky [[ 1559268000000 | amDateFormat:'ll | HH:mm' ]] in Relationship Tips 


A lot of married couples are unconsciously letting unhealthy conflicts in their relationship. Marriage therapy is their last choice, it is even done when the marriage is impossible to survive. The fact is coming to therapy does not mean that your marriage is on edge. Professional help can assist you to know your personalities better dan to open your mindset from other perspectives.

Consider seeing a marriage therapist if one of these situations keeps appearing in your everyday life.

1. No more communication

If the interaction has become limited and less communication because you or your spouse, or even both of you, are too busy with your own routines, this is a sign of a weakened relationship. According to a psychologist from Enlightmind, Rini Hapsari Santosa, unresponsive behavior, discontinuing the conversation, leaving the house and self-isolating are the signs of unhealthy communication. Of one of those often happens, you should start looking for help from a third party, which is a marriage consultant.

2. Less or no sexual activity

"Boredom can cause turn off intimate activities," told Rini. Unfortunately, couples tend to deny to talk about this topic, although they are aware that it threatens their relationship, as Tracy K. Ross, a New York's marriage therapist, argued. "A therapy can help them navigate the difficult, awkward conversation and discover solutions that work for both partners."

3. Unfaithfulness

Beware of a third person. "Those emotional betrayals - closeness with someone outside of your relationship, and an over-investment in their day-to-day life - can also be a red flag of a relationship problem," said Ross. Even though the behaviors only express flirtatious conversation, it can end badly, which is an illegal physical activity.

4. Every conversation is a bicker

Did you feel that it's getting difficult to have a pleasant conversation with your partner and every saying end in a bicker? Start considering to make a consultation appointment when your husband-wife talk has been challenging, even negative, and one way. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist and author of The Power of Different: The Link Between Disorder and Genius, agreed. "Don't ignore the first signs. Think of it as an illness symptom that should be prevented before it gets worse," she suggested.

5. Wishing for a better husband/wife/marriage

Psychologist Kasandra Putranto argued that what makes a dragging conflict in marriage is because one of you has a thought "my husband/wife has changed" or "he/she is not the person I used to know." This idea causes the imagination of a better partner/marriage. If it is you who dream about it, you should probably start to see marriage consultant.

Why wedded couple doesn't need to be afraid of marriage counseling?

A married couple often feels worried about seeing a therapist because they are afraid of being judged or criticized. As a psychologist, Rini understood this mindset. "Many think that, 'if I need to see a psychologist, it means that I have been out of my mind.' Actually, seeing a psychologist is actually similar to seeing a doctor, an attorney, or a mechanic." Thus, when someone is seeing a psychologist, it means that something has bothered him/her, either it is inside him/her or in his/her surroundings, then he/she looked for help from another party.

Different psychologist uses different therapy's approach and method. Rini did not deny that the effectiveness depends on the patient's compatibility with the method. However, these are what generally be done during a counseling session.

  1. A casual conversation and you can talk about your condition, activity, concerns, and feelings.
  2. Then, the counseling will focus on the most annoyed/disturbed case/symptom.
  3. The therapist will start to practice a certain method/approach to understand better or ask you to do a psychological test if necessary.
  4. The session will develop and go in-depth corresponding to the content on every meeting.

Indeed, some of the marriage conflicts are normal. However, if the conflict has caused you to feel annoyed/uncomfortable/threatened and it is continuing, Rini suggested you to consider professional help. Other signs, such as an extreme change or a significant occasion (death or illness) that indirectly affect your behaviors toward your partner and vice versa, also indicate that you and your partner might need a marriage counseling.

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