Photography: Momento Cativo
Is it a good idea to tell your partner about your ex? We did our homework and found that the answer to this is 50% Yes and 50% No. While some couples think it is a good idea to be open and honest about the past, others feel the opposite. Every couple is different, and you will have to gauge your partner's curiosity and comfort level when it comes to a talk about the ex. Whether or not it is best to talk about the past truly depends on a case-by-case scenario and only you would know what to do best. To help you out, here are a few suggestions you might want to take into consideration:
YES, you should tell your spouse about your ex, if…
1. The conversation comes up naturally. When it comes to talking about the ex, timing is everything. If you both just so happen to come across this topic during a very natural and candid conversation then, by all means, continue.
2. It will give your partner insight into who you are. Talking about the ex can help you communicate to your partner what you have learnt from the past and how you grew into the person you are today. Reflecting on a past relationship could even help you find out something about yourself that you may have missed during the relationship or breakup.
3. It can encourage open communication and build trust. While it is ideal to vent all your strong emotions about your past relationships before entering into a new one, the ability to speak freely with your partner is important. You don't have to share all the intimate details, as there are appropriate levels of sharing. Simply explain what happened with the ex, what you learned and where you are now.
NO, you shouldn't tell your spouse about your ex, if…
1. You intend to outwardly comparing your partner to your past. You do not want to inadvertently make your partner feel as if you are using your ex as a benchmark to measure your new partner. If this is your intention in talking about the past, then we suggest not to.
2. You are still living in the past, not the present. Stirring old emotions when you are not fully over it will only bring up problems in your current relationship. If you cannot share the lessons of past relationships without forming new bonds or creating new memories with your current partner, then it would not be wise to bring up the past.
3. You are not prepared to hear him talk about his ex. If you are going to open the door to your past, then expect the possibility of him opening up the door to his as well. If this is something you feel uncomfortable with, then it is important to let him know how you feel about it.