Photography: Laura Babb
So, you fell in love with and you're about to marry someone who happens to have a child or children from a previous marriage. You've accepted the fact and them, and now your mind is filled with questions about stepping into the unknown world of parenthood and uncertainties about building a relationship with them. Trying to build a good relationship with your own child can be difficult enough, let alone a child that has no blood relation to you, especially when you have no experience being a parent. Here are 7 most commonly asked questions by stepparent to be, some you may be asking yourself.
1. Is there some truth in the "devilish stepchildren" portrayal?
Just like the stereotype of all stepmothers being evil is far fetched from reality, the same goes for stepchildren being devilish. Every child will react differently to the idea of having a stepmom. Some may warm up to it very quickly while others may have a much harder time.
2. How can I overcome the "evil stepmother" stereotype?
If you do not want to come off as the scary and evil stepmother, then only your actions could prove them wrong. Words may work for adults but not for children. For them, actions speak much louder than words ever could.
3. What if they don't like me?
We cannot have control over other people's feelings, just be yourself and have the best intentions at heart. Children will eventually come around once they see that.
4. How long will it take to build the relationship?
Some research has suggested that children under the age of five will bond with a stepparent within one or two years and that older children may take a lot longer before they feel truly connected. However long it does take, never rush the process and just let the relationship grow naturally over time.
5. How can I be closer to my stepchildren?
We would suggest that you know your stepchildren's activities. Know what they are doing at school, church, in extracurricular activities, and make it your aim to be a part of it.
6. Will they ever see me as their mom?
Your stepchildren may really appreciate and value your presence in their lives, but that does not necessarily mean they will see you as their mother. Don't try to replace an uninvolved or even a deceased biological parent. Instead consider yourself as a possible added parent figure in the child's life.
7. What if my stepchild is older than me?
If your stepchild happens to be around the same age as you or even older, then a parent and child relationship may not be something that is possible. You can however, develop some form of a friendship with them, which can still be special and rewarding in itself.
