Photography: Michele Beckwith
If anything life ever taught me recently about is that things are rarely two dimensional: if there is good chemistry between two people, then it is enough. If there is love, then you are good for life. When I think about it, perhaps I was getting the idea about 'perfection in love' through Hollywood movies.
The thing about Hollywood is that it sells love. There is nothing wrong with that, really; but the thing is, I bought it. I bought the love of Noah and Alley that combined chemistry with fate and relied on that for the rest of their lives. I bought the love of Jack and Rose that were effortless.
I bought the love, and that, I guess, is a dangerous thing - mainly because it made me lazy. Then just later, I learned that love, is actually overrated.
Love is not Enough
News-flash: love is not enough. To love means signing up to a full-time job. It means to sign up for a roller coaster ride which the ups, downs and twists are unpredictable. One day she is your angel; another day she is your biggest pain in the ass. One day he is your hero; another day he is your biggest enemy.
Love requires change; and change never gets easier. If you used to leave the toilet seat upward, now is the time you learn how to put it down. If you used to hide yourself when problems arise, now is the time to share your life with your significant other – just because she is your significant other.
Love requires constant forgiveness. Forgive when you say I forgive you and really mean it. Apologize when you were wrong, saying I was wrong. I'm sorry. What can I do to make it up to you? While often times, you forget the third part.
Love requires understanding: understand that she is not perfect, and neither are you. Understand that he is a hero with flaws and weaknesses. Understand that people break promises at times, and you just have to let it go. Understand that your partner and relationship should come first – not money, work or friends. Understand that your partner could have those bad days once in a while. Understand that more often than not, she only needs you to look into her eyes, ask her about her days, and then give her the warmest hug. Understand that he would need his time to relax after work, instead of dealing with your nagging.
Love requires compromises. You win some. You lose some. Better yet, both of you win. At worst days, both of you might lose. Make sure the third one occupies most of your time. And make sure to keep the fourth one the least of your time – and then, make sure to make it up to each other.
Love requires appreciation. You used to do it all by yourself, now you have a partner. You know what your partner does? She keeps her faith in you even when you are not quite sure of yourself. He keeps his love for you even when you are not in your best days. And you know how to nourish them? Appreciate it. You might think that it is their part to do it, but remember that your partner have a choice to leave, and for the fact that s/he is still there, be grateful. For the fact that she worries for you, say smile and say thank you. For the fact that he picks you up after work, smile and say thank you. Most of the time, you only need to smile and say thank you.
It's true that love is essential, but so are the work, change, constant forgiveness, understanding, compromises, and appreciation. Your relationship is worth the time and hard-work investment, so my wish to you is that let you enjoy the fruit of your work, which is more fulfilling than the Hollywood love anyone could ever sell.
Best of love,